i spy...again and again and again

For some reason I found myself in full tears the other night. I don't even know what started it, but all of a sudden I was sobbing out loud and thanking God for all he is doing in and around me. I thought of the heartache and the joys the last 8 years, and specifically the last 4 years have held. I am simply amazed at the incredible ways God works.

Maybe it's this fun new role I have at my church that is a constant reminder of Jehovah Jireh and his faithfulness to me. Here's some thoughts I typed out the other night amidst my tears. I love the word witness, because it means I saw something or experienced something that I can share first hand. Here's a witness, or testimony of God at work...the short version.

Eight years ago I moved to FW less than willingly, wishing I was at Taylor Upland. It seems only two weeks later, God had already changed my heart and I had no regrets. A bit over four years ago, my fiance left me a hurt and confused mess. Had we not been engaged the day I graduated college, I have no doubt I would be anywhere but Fort Wayne today. I didn't want to stay here, but God allowed the worst of experiences to be a refining process and incredible picture of how he works all things for good. My senior year of college, I had attended Blackhawk once or twice with my roommate and her boyfriend. In the midst of the miserable summer of 03, I arrived at BH simply to hide in the balcony as I tried to figure out what to make of life. The pastor was doing a series soon about Real Love, that announcement and a few songs that Sunday were all it took for God to tell me this was his place for me. That fall, there came a week in Sept that I will never forget because God finally opened the eyes of my heart to what he had in store for me here in this midwest town. My college roommate had just moved to Indy so I was on my own. I ran into an old friend who invited me to small group. I jumped into the missions team meetings to find my passions were fitting with the direction the church was moving. I took a spiritual gifts elective class begging God to restore His picture of me that had been so destroyed by the words of my ex. Small community became a true family for me. God showed me without a shadow of a doubt that He was so very sovereign. A year later, I learned that my college roommate (who I'd lost touch with) was 4 months pregnant and in a FW hospital after her water broke. God used the family of BH, specifically my small community, to come around me and their family in that time of need. Funny how we both connected each other to BH when we needed it. Not only did the life of Chase change my life, but it made Blackhawk really my home. Relationships with so many people changed our picture of the church.

Jan 1, 2007 I was baptized by my dad in the Caribbean Sea in the company of family and friends. For my own long list of reasons, I had never been baptized, but God was telling me to do it with no further excuses. A week later, I met with my pastor to look for God's direction in the next season(s) of life. The months and years sitting before me feel exciting and unknown, and I know that God will direct my steps as he has already over the last 10 months of asking him to use me wherever it may be. In the meantime, I want to ship people's stuff around the world the best I can as a servant of Christ. I want to serve well on the non-profit board I am part of. I want the love of Christ to flow through me as I teach ESL to my african refugee friends. I want God to rock my world as I serve him in my new global ministries capacity at church. I want God to break me and mold me, and continue to stir and feed this passion he has put within me to shout his love to the nations.

Here I sit totally and completely amazed at the way God has carried me, grown me, directed me, and loved me. Better is one day in His courts than thousands elsewhere....even if that means Fort Wayne, IN for 8+ years :)

I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good, which He has always reminded me is a chance to be a steward by telling others what He has done.