career woman? how did i get here?

some people set out to have a career, some to have a family, some just to make a living. i never set out with a career mind, even when I graduated college I didn't think long-term when looking for a job. i did plan to have a family, and sure pictured that by 27 i'd be a wife and mom. as far as making a living, i guess in college i got my degree just wanting to be used by God but never making a plan. i don't know what i thought that would look like or how it would come to be, but yet i find myself stunned that it has.

for a woman who never planned for a career, i now have two. for a woman who planned for a family, i have not. for a woman who wanted to be used by God, i sit amazed at his works and say "who am I that you have entrusted me with this?"

i got my day job after college and every few months for the past 4 years & 9 months i've wondered why i do what i do. i have days i want to quit, but i have days i love my job too. the more responsibility on my plate, the more i deepen my roots. the more i become better at what i do, the more i come home satisfied & take pride in my job. there's many days when my job does not bring out the best in my ultra task-oriented personality because i know i blow right over people by default. i'm thankful that God's mercies are new every morning and ask Him to shape me and mold me each day.

now my other job is one that still makes me laugh when i think about it. some of you know that i've said often "how did i get here?" when asked about my new role at the church. and every time I ask that, God reminds me that He put me here in his way & his timing & his empowering. i apparently now fill the shoes of a brilliant missions pastor, but i feel like a size 2 drowning in size 24 shoes trying to awkwardly walk step by step. ok, poor analogy but you you get what i mean right? when i first was asked to come on staff in october, the desire was that i would help "keep the steam" while he stepped back for a season to focus on his business. i told my senior pastor that week "oh, i have steam, no problem". steam i have, passion i have, and God I have. that's about it. but then i realize, that # 3 in that list is all i need. i keep telling myself to read more books, learn more, get up to speed on this or that, and somehow become brilliant overnight in the topics of sending missionaries and training short-term teams and dealing with opportunities that come our way. but at the end of the day the most humbling thing is that i didn't get here by any fancy resume or interview, by any grand achievement, or even by asking for it. i simply am here because God says He has given me enough for each day and He put me here. scary, and really humbling-- but also incredibly exciting to know that it is He who lives in me and He is really doing the work. i just have to trust Him right? "inch by inch" as my mom used to say.

in 1 corinthians 15 paul writes, "but by the grace of God I am what I am..." and i'm the first to say that resonates with my heart.

all day i've had this song in my head that i heard on the radio before church this morning. the only line i know is "Lord I'm amazed by You, 'cause You love me"

hello, i'm stephanie. a child of God, who He created to do good works prepared in advance for me to do. if i get a few job titles in the meantime, i pray they never mean more to me than my identity in Christ.