simple

i want to be simple. the problem is that i thrive on complicated.

dictionary.com has like 29 definitions for the word simple, isn't that ironic? seriously.

anyway, i modified the list to just a few. you will see the obvious thread through this list.

1. easy to understand, deal with, use, etc.: a simple matter; simple tools.
2. not elaborate or artificial; plain: a simple style.
3. not ornate or luxurious; unadorned: a simple gown.
4. unaffected; unassuming; modest: a simple manner.
5. not complicated: a simple design.
6. not complex or compound; single.
7. occurring or considered alone; mere; bare: the simple truth; a simple fact.
8. free of deceit or guile; sincere; unconditional: a frank, simple answer.
9. common or ordinary: a simple soldier.
10. not grand or sophisticated; unpretentious: a simple way of life.
11. humble or lowly: simple folk.
14. lacking mental acuteness or sense: a simple way of thinking.

18. Botany. not divided into parts: a simple leaf; a simple stem.

the last one noted, the bold part, struck a cord with me. my life is divided between so many things. my relationships are divided around the globe, around the country, by interest, by lifestyle (you know, the families that go to bed earlier than i do, the singles that will run errands with me, etc). now, most of those divisions are inevitable and ok, and even a blessing!

but then i wonder if my heart is too complicated. it seems to be divided in parts. part of me loves selfishness and pride, part of me loves God more than those things, part of me loves the nations, part of me is begging God to help me love my neighbor.

and then i wonder if my faith is complicated as i try to work for him, rather than really just enjoy him sometimes. there's a lot of complicated stuff to understand (including the previous blog issue of a major financial crisis), but Jesus made his commands simple. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and love your neighbor as yourself.

i am moving in a couple weeks, just locally, moving in with a friend. it's the first time i've had a roommate in over 5 years. this means i don't need all my junk. for at least 3 years i've told people that i despise my increasingly suburban life. i have everything i need, never mind that it doesn't all match- it's more than most people in the world have. i have multiples of things. i have extra. i have things i don't know i have. i have closets full of old files & items saved for a rainy day, many can and will be handy someday. but gag, i want to get rid of so much of it now. over the years and months, i've simplified bit by bit. but now it's time to really simplify as i pack up all my earthly belongings deciding what to keep and what to get rid of. i find things and wonder why the heck i own them, or better yet i find things that i know someone else could use more than me so it goes in the "give away" pile. the best part of moving is that you HAVE to simplify. you MUST clean out stuff, get rid of stuff, sell stuff on craigslist... there's an incredible rest at the end of a night packing, when i can breath and know that i made a step toward simple.

hanging in my house is a quote that i learned at a really young age from my dad (not original from him, he shared it with me)

live simply that others may simply live

i want this. i need this. i believe in this.

i want to simplify my lifestyle but the worldly habits of consumerism and stockpiling creep in so quickly that i don't even realize i'm getting more complicated. reading the list above, knowing i only have a 500 sq foot apartment, i still have a really long way to go before my life is not elaborate, not luxurious, modest, bare, not divided into (unhealthy) parts.

anyone want a TV/VCR cart?